Life is Fragile Handle it with Prayer

I want to have a feeling in life that I am in control and that things will go as I plan them. I don't know why I want this, because life hasn't been that way for me, but I think that I want to believe this to feel more secure.

This week things did not go as planned. Wednesday, Jen woke up with a bad headache, took some Excedrin and when that did not work she called me at work. I had some prescription headache medicine and she took that. It did not work. I had a big monitoring meeting at work. A monitor had flown in from PA to visit me and so I was trying to manage this, while helping Jen. I told Jen to hang in there until I could get home. I was confident it was just a severe headache that we could solve.

At 1:00 Jen was not doing well and I got away from work, thanks to a great monitor and boss who understood and I went home to help Jen. On the way home I called the doctor's office and scheduled a 2:15 appointment. The nurse practitioner saw Jen and diagnosed her with a migraine, gave her a injection pain killer, scheduled a brain MRI, just to be sure, and after 15 minutes Jen was feeling relief, and so was I, so we went home armed with another injection shot, just in case.

Jen was resting comfortably, but at 6:15 was in extreme pain again. Baffled by this, I felt the only thing we could do was go to the emergency at Mountain View Hospital. We arrived there, explained the whole event and waited for a doctor. A nurse gave her some pain meds through an IV and Jen immediately felt better. I was relieved too. A doctor came and questioned her, scheduled a brain CT and we waited. I might note that through the course of the evening she would be given a simple neuro test about 4 times and would be asked if she was pregnant about 6 times.

I was still convinced that it was just a bad headache and all this was just routine when 2 hours later the doctor came back and said they had found something, a 2 mm mass in Jen's brain. He said the mass was either calcification or a tumor and that she needed a neurosurgeon to look at it and that it might be bleeding so she was going to be transported to UVRMC in an ambulance.

Was all this really happening? I was in control of life right? And my children's lives, right? Everything was running as planned. Jen had just graduated from BYU was going to get a teaching job. Her future looked bright. What was this that was happening?

Jen was put in an ambulance and I got in my car and followed her to the hospital. I called Rick to gather Rich, Heidi and Ian and come to the hospital. How strange it was to be following Jen in a ambulance to the hospital and not know what was really happening to her. As I drove, all of the possibilities of what could be wrong, ran through my head. It is a strange thing to be thinking about. Life takes on new meaning at moments like this. It changes, you change. I prayed. I lost count of how many prayers I had said so far.

Jen had already been checked into a room in the emergency ward. Dr Kallas, a doctor that is much younger than me, had already been assigned to her and came in to discuss with us what was going to happen. Jen would have a brain MRI and a neurosurgeon would consult with Dr Kallas after the results of the MRI were back about what to do.

Jen went in for the MRI at 10:45 and was back at 11:15. Now we would wait for results. We waited and waited. Jen rested comfortably now. Her headache was gone. She seemed to have such peace with her too. I was so happy about this. We had called other family members and friends, who were praying for her. Richie and Jason Boogert had given Jen a blessing. Richie told her in the blessing that nothing that happens to us in this life is a mistake. Everything has a purpose and that she needed to put her trust in the Lord and have faith. Lately, when the powers of heaven are called upon through priesthood blessings I have felt God's power very strongly. It was no different this evening. We waited. Rick, Richie, Heidi, Ian and I took turns being with Jen. Only two could be with her at one time. We waited. During this time Jen seemed very strong. Again, very peaceful. God was with her.

At 2:00 am Dr Kallas came in and told us that he had "relatively good news". Jen had a condition called AVM (arteriovenous malformation) in her brain. Rather than the arteries and veins forming a nice little pattern in the brain, in one part of Jen 's brain it all clumped together, before she was born. It is not known how this happens. 1 out of 100 have this condition. 88% of those who have it never know they have it. Jen's had started to bleed and caused her headache. Her's needs to get fixed. Dr Kallas explained that Jen is very lucky. Whatever was in her brain could hav been so much worse. The other thing that made us realized that they were expecting so much worse was when the nurse assigned to Jen told us too how relieved she was. She said that when we came in she was very sad, that things did not look good, but now knowing what Jen has she is very optimistic. She sees AVM all the time and it is a very fixable condition.

Friday Jen went in for an angiogram to take pictures of the AVM. They went through the femur artery and up into her brain and took pictures. The procedure went perfectly. She has had some discomfort but it is all going well.

I see this now with different eyes. I am reminded that anything could happen,we are not in control, God is. It is in His hands. And that is ok. Our job is to trust him. And if we trust Him, all will be well. We do not need to control all.

Now she will go to Dr Paul Gardner, the neurosurgeon and see what we need to do to get it fixed.

Such an wild experience it has been. So unexpected. That is when it was confirmed to me that life is fragile and out of our control, handle it with prayer. There is no other way. Nothing in life is sure, except one thing.....that there is a loving Heavenly Father who is in control who we can trust and will help us through everything. He was and is there for Jen, He is there for me, for our family. And through this and everything life will throw at us, with His help this fragile experience becomes a strong one.